Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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