Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
