I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
