then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
