help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
