So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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