Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Randomize
