I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
