My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Randomize
