why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
