Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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