I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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