We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
you made out with another girl for some wings
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
