Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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