I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
