Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
It's never too late to be topless.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize
