Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
