Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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