im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
