Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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