Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
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