im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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