She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
