i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
