Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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