the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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