i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
