Little spoons don't ask big questions
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
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