How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
