I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Drake has all the answers
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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