So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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