why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
