Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
