I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize