She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
