Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
