my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Randomize
