Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
