did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
