I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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