The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
