Whats the glycemic index on semen?
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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