So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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