I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
