You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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