I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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