Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
