the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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