Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
It's official drugs can't kill me
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize