I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
You're a waste of cheezeits
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
