I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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