i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
