dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
My vagina just recognized that song.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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