I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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