He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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