I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
