I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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