I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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