I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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