I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
