i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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