I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Randomize
