just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
