Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
