party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
