hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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